“The Non-Starters”   15 comments

Bathsheba Sherman, the ghost from the movie “The Conjuring”, is the only thing which can send shivers down my spine. Ever since I watched the movie way back in 2013, I have had a creepy feeling that in the dead of night, she emerges stealthily from under my bed! And after intensely staring at me for a while, she pounces upon me going straight for my throat! Shouting on top of my voice, I grab her by the neck and launch a barrage of punches trying to knock her out or send her flying through the air. Sanity returns when the lights come on and it dawns upon me that in the name of pommelling the ghost to pulp, I had in fact mercilessly beaten my pillow into submission. And that’s how, without any alarms, my family and sometimes the whole apartment wakes up early in the morning! Purely Out of this world! The funniest part is when they try to point this flaw and pin me down in the morning; I wash my hands of claiming I was unconscious!! Even though I have no clue as to what’s in store for me in 2016, I’m sure not to have nightmares anymore!

No more nightmares in the year ahead!!

It’s Not My Resolution To Have Nightmares in the year ahead!!

After the nightmares, comes another hurdle called The Daybreak! Mornings are super cool! Waking up early in the morning to soak one’s soul in the freshness of the air and to fill your eyes with the vibrant hues of nature all around you is just peerless. If I go on to claim that I wake up in the mornings, just in time, to indulge in this ritual every day, I would’ve set a new record for taking heights of insincerity to stratospheric proportions!! Climbing up from the chasm of dreams braving the nubile girls, secret missions and other escapades down there to get out on time to respond to the blaring alarm has always been a challenge for me. I rarely make it on time and yes it is a no contest. The brave souls who try to wake me up are given a rousing reception comparable to the one an infiltrator gets when he crosses the Line of control stealthily. This is that time of the day when wingless alarms fly in the direction of the intruder! Despite these handicaps, I have no plans to wake up late because a head start has its own advantages.

early bird

No Plans to wake up late!

If I outsmart my desires in the wee hours and rise from my bed, another battle awaits me. Far from the hedonistic notion of soaking in the bountiful nature around you in the wee hours, there will be screams from my family to go jogging! If I don’t fall in line, they will soon get a kick out of kicking my rear. This proves beyond any doubts that I have successfully entered another year with my eternal battle with the bulge in tow! Even though, I’m not miserably out of shape, this jaded city soul desperately needs to pump some iron into its body to keep ailments at bay! So I don’t intend to skip exercise this year!


Not my resolution to skip exercise this year!

To cool down the aching tendons, sore foot and my sweating body after the exercise, what better way than take a shower! But the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner was ringing across Chennai when it became a water world recently. In a city, notorious for its water shortage, there was water everywhere but, unfortunately, not any drop to drink. I know the forces working behind the curtains which brought this plight upon the city like the back of my palm. But the truant monsoons, fiery global warming, the ensuing climate change, the plight of the struggling poor and other sane considerations of the civilized world takes a backseat when I step into take a shower! In the shower that follows, my egregious singing drowns out the voices of the poor and the unceasing spray of water cools down the global warming. At the end of the day, the climate aggravates whereas I stubbornly waste the elixir of life. Old habits die hard but not this year though! Splurging water is not in my radar this year or ahead in my life.


It’s not my resolution to waste water as well!!

After cleansing my body, when I sit down to break my fast, something always eats me instead. There is the inevitable desire to maintain a balanced diet in mind but when I get a whiff of what’s been concocted in the kitchen, the desired balance is kicked out of the window by my appetite. Now, this food obsession gives me food for thought! To not surfeit on food and drinks will top my not to do list in the year ahead. Nevertheless, the silver lining is the fact that I am still a vegetarian! Else I would’ve bursted at the seams long before!! But the insatiable “Mr. Hyde” within me wins the hunger games more often than the rational “Dr.Jekyll”.

After having kept hunger at bay, I ventured out on a fateful day as a volunteer to serve the victims of the deluge. My contribution was the humblest since it involved picking up cartons containing relief materials from storeroom and unloading the same on the Lorries outside. Seven Minutes! That was my duration of volunteering to be precise. By then, frustration which had steadily crawled up my body had bursted out as anger. The battery of volunteers, who supposedly had landed there to lend a helping hand, were pleading to allow me to take their selfies with cartons in the background before I picked them up. For the narcissist, posing for selfies and earning likes in the time of calamity towered over sending aid to the ravaged victims. When the clamour grew higher turning pleadings into commands, I was back in the hut. No points for guessing the moral of the story. I will of course not stop volunteering but have no plans ever in my life to pose for a selfie.


It’s not my resolution to pose for selfies anymore!!

When I walked back home, it dawned upon me that I alone was not the victim at the camp. Things took a turn for the worse when I striked a conversation with two other crestfallen guys. Half way through the conversation, I realized that I was talking to two guys whose imagination was wilder than the wild, Wild West. For, over the course of the talk, they even unearthed the hidden interconnections between the deviant youth and cancer cells. My silent nodding only exhilarated them! When I couldn’t take it anymore, I started retorting and lo and behold: All hell broke loose!! Hell hath no fury than skeptics scorned!! Words flied thick and fast between us as we tried to drown each other out, lowering the quality of debate to the point of no return. From this New Year on I have no plans to get hot under my collar at the drop of the hat. Let sanity prevail now and forever! To debate with skepitcs is not even in my radar for eternity. Because, as they say, debating with skeptics is like mud wrestling with pigs. Firstly you get covered in mud and secondly the pig loves it!! And you are the eventual loser!

keep calm

It’s Not My Resolution to Reason or Debate with Skeptics.

Even though, we didn’t kill each other and just kept ourselves to trading abuses, I was just a whisker away from being dragged into a quagmire of violence. The very likelihood that one could dislocate another man’s jaw, land one’s knee on another one’s chest and knock him out cold is disturbing. The bravado magnifies if the antagonist, at the other end, is feeble. And the bloodlust grows when supporters and opponents join polarised camps, making way for absolute pandemonium. Come January, I plan to stay away from violence in all its manifestations. Violence in thoughts, gazes, words and actions will not be in my territory for the coming year. No plans to abuse or hurt anyone intentionally!! It’s really hard but let me try and fail nevertheless!!


It’s Not My Resolution to Hurt anyone intentionally!!

When I was at home in the evening, contemplating about the day which went by, I realized that I was being driven around by passion more than reason, sowing seeds of doubts within my mind about my ability. To bury the pangs of guilt, I took asylum in the internet where I was greeted by mediocrity yet again. Posts by netizens masquerading as the last word on everything under the roof were parading in front of me. This breathed life back into the ghosts of frustration, jealousy and vengeance which were suppressed within me. Egged on by the trinity, I transformed myself into a combatant of different kind called “the Key Board Warrior” and took the plunge into the virtual world to fight mediocrity. The lone, brave key board warrior fights valiantly in the “Comments Section” and stamps his authority by hoisting triumphant flags of victory there. After warding off useless troll and fed up waiting without any response from the authors, I started realizing that there was no point in fighting impractical battles in the worst of places. The year ahead will not have any more Key Board Warrior cameos from me! Not intentions to interfere in mediocre debates as well. Upset that I wasted my time, I while more of it away clicking on random cat and dog videos to keep my inner demons from surfacing inside my head again. Nevertheless, they appear for the showdown!!  It’s downhill all the way from then on. They mercilessly question all the beliefs that I hold and lure me to walk away from them indicating that still holding on to them steadfastly were pointless. By punching holes in things which I stand for and killing my ideologies, they reduce me to a rubbled heap.


It’s Not My Resolution to be a Key Board Warrior this year!!

My inner demons let loose their partner who goes by the name Loneliness upon me. Coming under incessant attack from frustration, loneliness, self-doubt and anger my conscience runs for cover finding asylum in a decoy called Porn. The veil of ignorance surrounding me justifies watching porn which otherwise is considered a blasphemy. When normalcy returns, it only helps raise my culpability shaming me and questioning my self-worth. The picture is complete when the Judges arrive and make the day a judgement day. No, not the erudite judges of our venerated courts but the relatives who judge your worth by weighing the zeroes in your pay package and material possessions! Already deprived of self-worth and devoid of recognition, the journey downhill culminates when I end up losing my dignity as well.

Darkness descends upon my thoughts as I start viewing things from the glass is half full perspective for eternity. From this year on I intend not to waste my time reading nonsense. I have no plans to chop and change my views and will not vacillate when it comes to taking a decision. Because if you fall for everything, you will not stand up for anything! I have no intention to let self-doubt in the form of skeptics, relatives and naysayers creep into my thoughts. Porn will have no role to play in the year ahead. I plan not to sit licking my wounds or brood over failures. To keep them at bay my mind is fixed on taking to the road. And will never ever let myself question my self-worth and dignity. As a postscript, I would like to join that there is no plan to cry out on top of my voice to get recognition. The wisdom is that recognition will follow you if you lead an examined life.


It’s Not My Resolution To Doubt Myself In the Year Ahead!!

The floods in the far end of 2015 have cleansed the city and my soul clean. The slate is clean for us to begin a new lease of life. As I go to sleep tonight, hoping for a better year ahead, I recognize that nothing can hold me back! Not even Bathsheba Sherman, who by now would have gone in search of another bed to hide under!



This post is part of Write over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by Blogadda.




15 responses to ““The Non-Starters”

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  1. I think all these are quite achievable… 😀 Though, for me, waking up in the morning, refusing the comfort of the bed, is almost impossible… 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Waking up in the morning definitely tops my list too as an impossible feat which I have to perform almost daily with lots of grudges in my heart for the person responsible for waking me up, and yes, its always a person, alarm devices having lost their brand dignity in their failure of this herculean job. Rest of your resolutions have my full support 😀
    specially, the one about whiling away..er.. NOT to while away your precious time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy New Year 🙂
    I’m sure you’ll have a Bathsheba-free year ahead filled with lots of exciting projects and wonderful people 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aneesh..
    Enjoyed your post.. You have got a great family , a health conscious family forcing you to jog everyday..;)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This was hilarious! Glad to have chanced upon your blog 🙂 Also, you share a number of resolutions with me! Me too trying to not wake up late this year, among attempting other Herculean tasks 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am still guffawing at this wonderful post….beautiful pun on words!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Waking up early! I haven’t even considered that and I am realizing that now, at 2.17 am 😀 I would love to wake up early. But I am more fond of staying up late. You really don’t want to know the time I wake up. 😛 In fact this list screams at me about the things I am not doing. Oh God! What do I do? Aneesh, what have you done? 😀 I have to sleep over this list in order to forget it tomorrow 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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